We definitely shouldn’t ever be congratulated for being sexual beings.

After a blog I wrote a few months back “How Long is too Long” a friend congratulated me about being proactive and openly talking about women’s sexual needs, which is rare for a woman apparently. I do really like a compliment like the next person but this really got me thinking.

Why does this add to a females character if they freely talk about sex and discuss what they enjoy? And why does this mean that I’m being proactive?

Talking openly about your sexual preferences shouldnt be a good thing, it should be normal. Congratulating women for this just leads to an assumption that they are making an effort, even changing their ways. Taking one for the team if you like.

In fairness congratulating women for this worsens the situation. Sex is natural and normal. Sexual pleasure is not a club owned by men where occasionally they let a confident woman in because she’s proactive about sex.

I get that people mean well and my friend was being very polite and wanted to encourage me and my blog. (Even if he did insult my extremely bad grammar). It does however sum up our society, where women feel like they have to have sex and a high sex drive is seen as an anomaly.

Rebecca Reid said ” There is a lingering perception that sex isn’t for women.” That its something done to us, almost in spite of us, rather than with us.

I believe sex is for everyone. It shouldn’t be an exclusive world where women are congratulated for talking about it or enjoying it.

The case of the female orgasm” a book written by Elizabeth Lloyd is an interesting read. Statistics from over 33 comprehensive studies over the last 80 years showed that only 25% of women consistently have orgasms during sex and to add to this shocking fact only 20%  seldom or ever have orgasms during sex at all. And as low as 5% of women never have an orgasm. Are you shocked?

Perhaps women get bored easily and need other stimulations to reach an orgasm. The study also shows that women in a relationship for more than a year got fed up.

Would it be fair to say that because of this fact, that women need more effort in the sexual act. Has this  put both men and women off thinking that women deserve sexual pleasure? Do we just say that women just are not that into it and leave it there? It does seem easier than learning what we like. Wouldn’t it be better to put more effort in and wait a little longer for that sweet orgasm?

Maybe we should demand the above rather than be grateful when it does happen. I mean if women believed that this is their world too and felt that they were entitled to pleasure during sex, then they could congratulate men for being into sex so much to make them orgasm.

Are we not cutting ourselves short? The only true joy in sex is a shared connection, giving and receiving the most unbelievable plessure in the world.

Its extremely lazy to accept unsatisfactory sex, and it will make you very unhappy in the long run.

Its time to talk ladies and let’s start today. Masturbate first and learn what you like. Find out what parts of your body send you wild when touched and share these with your partner.

You have to be brave and communicate your feelings. This ends in orgasms and some self entitlement. We are after all, entitled to plessure in this life and if your not receiving it then its time you changed that.

Let’s share the world of sex harmoniously together.

Continue reading

In my opinion I believe Porn can be blamed for a lot of pathologies and false ideas about sex: that women love anal; that we like to have our pussies spat upon and smacked; that men need to bone as if they’re literally filming a porn movie. But I believe one of the biggest myths it’s responsible for is that women expect a gentleman on the streets and a marathon runner in the sheets.

Believe it or not (I couldn’t), some guys don’t cum that easily. Shock! Maybe it’s from using condoms. Maybe it’s their medication. Maybe it’s too much masturbating and watching too much porn. Maybe their sperm has stage fright. Maybe their so emotionally unavailable that their dick can’t let its guard down. But for whatever reason, try as you both might, the jizz remains on lockdown, the orgasm elusive.

Back in my 20s(many years ago) I was dating a guy, I’m going to call him 5K – who had a severe case of delayed ejaculation or “rock cock” as its aptly called. No matter what I done I couldn’t seem to give him an orgasm. No matter how long I blew him, screwed him, or jerked him off. It didn’t matter, he could only achieve orgasm about one out of every ten sessions. Very frustrating.

He assured me it wasn’t for lack of desire, and so, we decided to bang our way through whatever the block was, which led to marathon sex sessions. But after 50 mins in- after doggy style; the lazy boy ( on the side, one leg thrown over his leg) ; bridge pose; and even slow intimate (read: creepy), missionary- I was dry, bored and hungry.

Him?

Still hard.

Most women would kill for this kind of lover, right? I started thinking what was wrong with me? Isn’t that why Viagra was a billion dollar industry? (Nope. It’s because old men can’t get it up.) It did get me thinking, though: how long is too long? ( the duration of sex, naturally, not dick size)

For my own unscientific study, a few months ago, (before summer)I put out a call on social media asking the ladies, “Not including foreplay, how long is too long for the duration of sex?”

One woman replied immediately and said “Any man who says ‘I’m gonna rock your world all night baby’ hasn’t had that much sex.

Over all there seemed to be a vast difference in the desired amount of time one has for sex depending on if the respondent was single or married. This was interesting! Two single women said their ideal trip to Pound Town was “three hours” but I feel like only people having sex occasionally would say that, because no one who’s having sex on the reg has time for daily three hour sexcapades. Do they?

That said, there did seem to be some unity among the women I surveyed (about 30 of them) some of my favorite replies:

“If I’m having sex longer than 35 minutes, I’m over it. And if I don’t cum in the first 5 minutes, I’m definitely over it.”

“The pleasing me part starts first. There’s no time duration for that. The intercourse part after should be under 10 minutes. I could be in and out from beginning to end in 11-15 minutes I’d say….. with 8 of those minutes solely focused on me.”

“I start thinking about tax returns at minute 12. Money keeps me enthusiastic.”

“Straight pounding? 23 minutes.”

“Anything more than 35 minutes starts to reach the ‘hurry the fuck up’ point for me”

“Five and half minutes of actual sex. Iv already long orgasmed by then, even 20 minutes would be too long, I’m tired and bored”

Most of the men who replied said something along the lines of “Please say three minutes! Please say three minutes! Please say three minutes!”

This struck me as brutally honest. In my experience, a majority of men exert a great amount of energy during coitus trying not to cum to quickly and trying to please her. And don’t get me wrong, on a scale of sexual conditions a man can experience, I’ll take rock cock over premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. But 5k’s inability to climax fucked with my head more than I though it would. I had no idea how much of my sexual self-worth and identity was invested in my ability to readily and quickly make a man cum. It was an interesting time.

It shook the very foundation of my entire delusion that I was some kind of otherworldly sex goddess, and as a result, I started feeling uninspired to have sex because I felt like I had failed. No matter how much he reassured me it was nothing to do with what I was doing or not doing as the case may be. I realize that sex shouldn’t be goal-oriented, but it bothered me on a level far deeper than my brain or feelings. This was some gut-level frustration that was hard to shake. It really was something that struggled with. Turns out men aren’t the only ones who get insecure about leaving their partner sexually frustrated. Fancy that.

The moral of the story: We all think we want to have sex for the average length of a porn scene, but in reality, the average man is lucky to last 6-7 minutes and most women seem to be content to finish somewhere between 10-25 minutes of knockin’ boots. Happy Days!

Trust me the giant caveat been that you can really only get away with a five minute roll-in-the-hay if you take care of her first during foreplay. If not, you’re what we ladies refer to as a “lazy one pump chump.”

For me I’ll all for a robust sex sesh. The foreplay can last for as long as we’ve got but after around minute 22 of intercourse, i start thinking about what I want to eat for dinner (or breakfast- I’m one of those freaks who loves morning sex)

Take note, the jury might be hung in regards to how long is too long, but it’s case closed on how short is too short. And it’s when you climax before she does.